Shambhala Read online

  Once again I looked at my frozen complexion, still and asleep, and tried to compare it to the one that had chosen me now. The one now was different, could not be felt. My ‘new suit’ seemed like a kind of energy concentrated around me, creating a peculiar density, similar to a smoke screen or the steam when water boils, yet at the same time, it managed to maintain a similar appearance to my usual human silhouette.

  Without really knowing how, the answers kept coming—that the astral energetic body was one of several that individuals have, and for some reason still unknown to me, in that moment I was able to enjoy it in a conscious form.

  Yes. I didn’t know how, but my rationality had moved there. If there was any kind of purpose, I didn’t know what it could be. Instead, I understood that in that form I’d be unable to touch Ian to wake him up.

  Despite the amazement, I stayed in that state for a few seconds, delighting in that reality so different from the one experienced in my usual physical body. I was perceiving this with a peculiar speed, I’d say it was part of a timeless space. I was aware of things in micro-seconds of a second and reached absolute certainty about different answers. Answers that presented themselves, without knowing where they came from, but they appeared. They emerged from nowhere with just my desire to have the knowledge, or even from unformulated questions.

  I also knew that my fever had gone down, though I couldn’t help but think at one point that my new perceptions were the result of a delirium caused by the imbalance of temperature in my body. Once again, that doubt was cleared up without looking much: my rationality expanded through my astral energy field, and from there reality was perceived differently. And yes, I reached that dimension, partly thanks to the few tenths that still maintained my physical structure, but it was not an invention of my mind. It was all real, as much or more than the life that can be manifested in the tangible world. However, what called my attention with fervor was to be able to access that state so easily, and at the same time handle myself in a resolute way. I knew that if I wanted to go somewhere, to a particular place, I’d find myself there with a simple visualization. So, despite it being the first time I’d done it consciously, I felt comfortable and accustomed to the system of functioning in that substantiality.

  I turned towards myself to contemplate my sleeping body. It was exciting for me to be able to observe my whole structure in three dimensions. It wasn’t anything like looking at yourself in a mirror: the volume, the silhouette, but above all the sensation of knowing that that organic mass that rested peacefully in bed was limited to being a suit that my soul had taken prisoner for a determined amount of time. It fascinated me.

  The low light at the moment caused optical effects on the profiles I saw. They would enthrall anyone.

  I contemplated with amazement how my hair appeared on the pillow like a range of snowy mountains, how the precipitous shadows of my blouse created a pattern like a forest...

  Something shook me out of my delight. I heard a noise in the hallway. My head turned automatically and my attention focused on that point. Without warning, I ‘inadvertently’ moved there. Now my astral body was standing and motionless in front of the silhouette of a man.

  I had seen him before. In fact, I knew I had more than once.

  His face was so beautiful that I blushed intensely. I felt an intense desire for him, a passion I’d never felt before. In that state, I didn’t feel my physical heart, but I noticed the same chill as when your pulse races out of control, not from fear or nerves, but from pure excitement and magnetism.

  We kept the distance between us. It felt like something was keeping me from going closer. His figure shone an unusual brightness, a light I’d never seen in a human.

  Despite the separation, I could observe his face in detail. His gaze absorbed my attention—eyes of an unusual and deep warmth, with such a lively and unique tone, I found them difficult to describe. If I had to, I’d say they were clear, like blue-gray marble. His skin glowed, as if it could be ignited thanks to the projection of an inner brightness that vehemently pierced his pores, if he’d had pores. He was incredibly tall, I’d say eight feet, maybe more, though for some strange reason, that didn’t impress me, but instead I saw it as something natural. In spite of so much beauty, I was overcome with the feeling that this fascinating, almost supernatural, charm was due to the state of consciousness in which we found ourselves.

  We stood motionless in the hallway looking at each other. Neither of us moved an inch, nor did we say anything. I felt that the energy field around us was so strong it left me completely immobile, an energy field that, perhaps because I found myself in this astral reality, I could see.

  It was hypnotic, giving off a bluish white clarity without equal. It made you think you could feel it; it was more than a 30 foot diameter.

  His mere presence lit the dim hallway we were in. I tried to observe whether he also emitted some kind of glow, however, I could only appreciate a small golden halo, very close to my etheric body. I was clearly energetically inferior to him, and in fact, it was evident how my desire to approach him, even if it were only a few centimeters, was held back by that transparent subtlety. It reminded me of a shield. Perhaps that constituted an insurmountable fortress.

  I returned my attention to his gaze. Those eyes transmitted so much peace, so much love, that I thought I could float, and in effect, that’s what I was doing. My feet were off the floor and now I was levitating some inches off the parquet floor.

  Torrents of emotions flooded me by the second. I never thought it possible to feel so many sensations all at once and in such a short time. But one superseded all the others, my desire to know how I knew this beautiful being in front of me, and almost as important, how long I had known him.

  At that moment, I felt a connection with my physical body, accompanied by a huge void with a lot of pain that opened in my chest. I jumped out of that state and woke up on my bed. I stayed still, motionless.

  My head was spinning from what had just happened. I hadn’t dreamed it.

  I took a deep breath at the same time I noticed that my pupils were moving restlessly from one side to the other.

  I sat up awkwardly. Matter doesn’t move with as much agility as the astral.

  A tear ran down onto my leg. I cried from the incomprehensible loneliness that filled my heart.

  I got up clumsily and went to the hall to see if he was still there, if I could see him with my normal eyes. But no. I didn’t find anyone. The hallway was still dark and silent. I brought my hand to my forehead, my face, my neck, trying to figure out my body temperature. I was cold, and it seemed the fever had abated completely. My eyes were still wet with tears, my pulse was racing, and it felt like something had just pierced my chest.

  I retraced my steps and saw Ian lying in my bed. He was still sleeping, oblivious to everything that had just happened, ignorant of my huge little trip.

  I approached slowly and sat down again where I had been before. I tried to do it as quietly as possible so as not to wake him. Just as hours ago I’d have preferred that he left, now the only thing I wanted was that he stayed asleep and didn’t notice I was awake. I didn’t want him to start asking if I was all right or not. I wanted to steep myself in silence, connect with myself and calm my thoughts. I needed to understand what had just happened. It wasn’t just to understand the phenomenon of moving into an astral body; actually I was anxious to know above all who he was, where he had come from, why it felt like I’d known him all my life, why I felt so strange in his presence, and most of all, why I wasn’t afraid when I saw him. It would have been logical to be afraid. Reason told me that anyone who meets a ‘stranger’ in the hall of their house would get upset. But it was different in this case. Instead of being afraid, I was able to observe that that being contemplating me in the middle of his own light, was trying to calm me, to transmit peace and serenity.

  My mind was a swarm of questions. How long was I in that state? I didn’t know how to calculate it e
xactly but I could figure out that it wasn’t more than a couple of minutes, three at most, and with the same ease that I acceded to that reality, I was able to leave it.

  But the time interval didn’t matter, I was obsessed with where do I know him from? I was suddenly conscious. What took me out of that state so abruptly was the answer to that question. Now I remembered where I knew him from. I didn’t have to go far to find the answer. That same afternoon I saw him when Ian went to get me after work. The image had come out of nowhere and I’d thought it was a memory from some dream. The same one that overlapped my friend’s moving body when he approached me. Yes, it was his figure. Definitely.

  But that didn’t really give me a complete answer. Realizing that he was the figure I’d seen that afternoon still left all the other questions unanswered, especially: From where and since when did I know him?

  I curled up in bed very carefully so as to not wake up Ian, and tried to sleep again. I thought that was the only way to be able to return to that state and be able to find him. I wanted to see him again, even knowing the emotional risk I was taking by turning him into a kind of obsession.

  Chapter 6

  Emotional Roller Coaster

  Lying there in bed, completely still so Ian wouldn’t wake up, my head was spinning non-stop. It was almost impossible to sleep. I tried to find something in my memories that would give me clues or some important data to put together what had happened, but I couldn’t come up with anything. I started speculating with different hypotheses.

  The first thing that occurred to me was: Maybe I’d dreamed of him before and didn’t remember? If that were true, it was possible that that something stuck in my subconscious, so when I saw him, I was able to recognize him. That would explain the strange feeling of familiarity.

  The second theory was: Maybe it was an ancestor of mine? Maybe, if he had died, and was in “paradise,” now he could have that powerful brightness and a quasi-angelical form, similar to the one emitted by the being in the hallway. However, that didn’t seem viable and I discarded it.

  Finally, I had a third idea: If it were my guardian angel and just wanted to send me peace and tranquility? If that were true, this guardian angel would have spent a lot of time with me, helping me and protecting me, which would be some sort of explanation for that feeling of familiarity...

  But no. None of those explanations satisfied my questions, since there was something that ultimately knocked down all of them: the attraction I felt towards that being.

  It wasn’t a brotherly or friendship love. Nothing like that. It was something else, a kind of passion, of desire that made my whole body tense and throb almost uncontrollably. I couldn’t imagine that kind of feeling towards a guardian angel, much less an ancestor. Only one thing was clear, I needed answers if I didn’t want to end up half mad. Besides, I found it curious that, with everything that had happened that night, the only thing that caught my attention was my encounter with that being. Not even seeing my own astral body shocked me as much as seeing him.

  Ian woke up and at the same time, I feigned sleep. I didn’t know what time it was, but it must be very late. The minutes had raced by during my musings.

  My friend leaned towards me to take my temperature. He once again ran his hand across my forehead, my face and my neck.

  “Aurora,” he whispered to wake me up. Despite having been awake for awhile, I wanted to be lazy and pretend I was still dreaming. But he insisted, this time stroking my arm gently.

  I pretended to wake up.

  “Ian?” I said as part of my performance.

  “You don’t seem to have a fever any more,” he said in a soft voice.

  I brought the back of my hand to my forehead to pretend to check, and in passing, make sure it really had gone. To be sure, I didn’t really even remember it, I suppose in part because the sensation of internal heat had disappeared.

  I grabbed the thermometer and put it in my armpit. Ian watched me in silence in the partial darkness.

  “Do you want me to bring you anything?” He got up without giving me time to answer, picked up his jacket that was on the dressing table, and looked at his cell phone. “It’s 4:30 in the morning!” he exclaimed, surprised.

  Truthfully, I was also surprised that it was so late, but on the other hand, so many things had happened it was almost inevitable that it had reached that hour.

  “Good grief, it is late,” I replied, letting myself be carried away by surprise.

  “If your fever is gone, I’ll go home.”

  “You don’t have to go. Anyway, driving at this late hour...you might get sleepy on the road.” Ever since the accident, I always avoided driving at dawn. Seeds of fear remained in my subconscious. “I’d rather you stay, I’d feel better.”

  Ian looked at me without answering. I assumed he was considering the possibility of staying to sleep. Overall, he’d already spent more than half the night with me.

  The thermometer sounded. I started to get it when Ian moved forward. Very gently, he moved my blouse aside and took it. To avoid turning on the light, he got his cell phone to illuminate the device.

  “Ninety-seven and a half,” he said with a smile.

  Though Ian focused the light from his phone on the thermometer, a good part of the light illuminated his face. It was then I was able to appreciate again his handsome face looking at me. The being in the hallway made me forget everything for a few minutes, but now that I saw Ian again, with those beautiful lips, his sensual eyes locked on mine...I couldn’t help but feel a strong desire for him. I returned the smile, trying to calm down.

  “Thank you for taking care of me,” I said sincerely.

  “It wasn’t that much, I fell asleep right away,” he put his hand to his head shyly and hid a grimace of shame. I laughed at the scene.

  “Even so, thank you,” I answered, widening my smile.

  He bent over slowly until his face was at the same level as mine. I noticed how my mouth lost its smile and my lips moistened, while my heartbeat sped up. He was so close. I swallowed quickly. I wanted to disappear, hide my head under the pillow, but my body wouldn’t respond. He took my chin with extreme delicacy and turned my face, revealing my lips, previously half-hidden in the fabric, opening enough space to be able to reach them unimpeded, until at last, he kissed me.

  I couldn’t believe it. After so many years of trying to not fantasize that scene, it was finally happening.

  I felt a tingle running down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck bristled. I would have liked him to kiss me much more, to slip into his mouth and play with his tongue, but my lips didn’t respond the way I wanted them to. He moved slowly away. Luckily, he didn’t realize what had just happened to me.

  “You must be exhausted,” he said. He sat up without losing his smile.

  To my relief, he didn’t notice anything. He thought I hadn’t returned his kiss with the passion it deserved because of my fatigue or the remains of my fleeting “illness.” And I was forced to lie because I didn’t understand myself what could have happened to me.

  “Yes, I’m a little tired.”

  The night certainly was turning into an emotional roller coaster.

  “Sleep, you need it,” he said, understandingly.

  “Yes, that would be best.” I could not take it any more. I needed to disconnect from everything or my heart would explode. “Stay for the night,” I asked.

  My invitation was sincere. I really wanted him to stay with me, by my side. His kiss helped me return to reality and maybe, purely selfishly, I needed him to be there when I woke up. Being at his side would force me to keep my feet on the ground. Besides, something told me I wouldn’t be seeing that being for some time.

  “Okay, I’ll stay,” he showed that smile again that I liked so much, and this time he leaned over to kiss my forehead. “I’ll bring you some water, you need to hydrate.”

  While he went to the kitchen, I noticed that both of us were still in our street clothes. I to
ok the opportunity to put on pajamas or something like it, since I usually slept in underwear or a t-shirt I had lying around, and it didn’t seem like the night to go half naked around the house. I looked for something that he could use, a large track suit, or t-shirt, anything.

  When he returned with the water, I was ready to go back to bed.

  “Take this,” he handed me the glass. “You changed?”

  “Yes, it’s very uncomfortable sleeping in street clothes.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m looking for something you could wear.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll go out to my car. I always have a sports bag with a change of clothes.”

  “Oh, good idea.” I was happy to not have to keep going through the chest of drawers. The best I’d have been able to find would have been a t-shirt that would have been too small for him. “But what a pain to go down now.”

  “No, it’s okay, we parked right by the door,” he said cheerfully. “Give me two minutes, I’ll be right back.”

  “Take the keys, in case I go into hibernation before you get back,” I teased, and made him laugh.

  “Okay.”

  He grabbed his jacket, the keys and went to the car for his bag. He was back in less than five minutes. I waited for him in bed, trying to stay calm. That night I just wanted to sleep with him.

  He changed in a few seconds, putting on a short sleeved t-shirt and wide cotton pants that looked really comfortable. Then he laid down on what had become his side of the bed. I cautiously said good night. For his part, he also wished me a good rest, turning over to give me a soft and shy kiss on the lips.

  The rest of the night went quickly. Luckily it was Friday and I didn’t have to get up early the next morning to go to work. However, not having to get up meant I couldn’t use it as an excuse to run out of there.