Shambhala Page 13
Also, in the hypothetical case that they did, what purpose could move them? Just thinking about having to carry out a job similar to Enrique’s stunned me. It seemed like a very hard task. Discipline, dedication, being very focused on oneself, and being humble so as not to be corrupted along the way. It certainly did not seem like an easy task. I, at least, didn’t feel up to doing it, which gave me another motive to think what had happened in the conference room had just been a nice group experience, the same for many in the group. To finish convincing myself, I thought about the lecturer’s recent words. I understood that these beings contacted certain people precisely to perform a specific job, selflessly help humanity and disseminate their message of awareness and hope. Enrique had said: the messenger isn’t important, the message is, but I was more and more convinced that not just anyone was worthy of being a messenger, and less, of something so considerable.
While we picked up our things, I looked around. A few people were slowly getting ready to leave. Others, on the other hand, had stayed behind, forming small circles where they were exchanging their recent experiences with great enthusiasm.
We’ve all experienced something similar, I repeated to confirm my self-conviction.
Chapter 16
Contact
“How did it go?” asked Alixarc upon my return.
“Fine,” I said without doing into details.
“What happened?”
“There are a couple of terrestrials that are difficult to work with,” I explained, thinking mostly about Aumnox. “Their rhythm of integration seems slower than that of the rest of the contactees.”
“What do you mean?”
“Aumnox has received my projection, although she thought it was some disrespectful human in the room and she got angry for a few seconds. On the other hand, telepathic communication wasn’t possible with Estir.”
“You know that’s normal,” pointed out Alixarc. “There are times we have to project certain data when they enter dream REM, especially at the beginning of the new conscious phase.
“I know. Even so, I have doubts with both of them.”
“Has there been any other problem?”
“No, there hasn’t been a repeat of any incident of TPE (time/psycho-emotional) lag,” I answered, knowing that the question, although generic, referred to the fleeting delusion that Aumnox suffered days ago.
“Okay. You can retire,” said my captain. I made a friendly gesture with my head to say good-bye and return to the readjustment room.
“Wait,” he said in a serious and calm tone as I was already leaving. I stopped short. I barely turned a few inches to listen to his instructions.
“Yes?” I insisted, as he stayed silent.
“Have you checked everyone’s molecular and energetic levels?”
“No.”
“It’s essential to do it before the next job,” he said. “Who is missing?”
“Just Aumnox.”
He fell quiet. He knew that in our last encounter, the human had an uncontrolled reaction. Her impulse wasn’t planned in the program, nothing like that had ever happened before with another human, and because of that I couldn’t finish the MoLen testing. The priority changed when I had to project new images and memories that would erase her confusion, so I was limited. After that, it wasn’t recommended to force more activity on her body or mind. In the following days, I was able to complete the readjustment, however, I didn’t want to approach the human. I was afraid that a new direct approach would end, once again, in delirium, placing the mission in serious danger.
I stood there watching my captain. I waited for his order, but he remained absolutely quiet. He probably knew what I was thinking at that moment since, while we had the ability to block our thoughts so that our companions couldn’t hear them, many times we couldn’t avoid it. And less with him, since his psychic development was more advanced than most of the crew. Added to that, and regardless of whether we could listen to each other, our sensitive skills already provided us with a large package of information about the being with whom we were dealing. We could decipher their energy and translate it into a context very close to what our interlocutor might be feeling or thinking. It was almost impossible to keep secrets between us.
On the other hand, in this particular case, my aversion to be close to this human was no secret. Ever since that unusual incident occurred, I was reticent to be alone in an individual contact with her, and my captain knew it. At the same time, it seemed unnecessary to tempt the possibility of her having another altered reaction, when anyone else could do the same job as me.
For that reason, I hoped that Alixarc, being aware of my opinion, would send Gireln or another crew member to practice the MoLen Control.
However, my captain still said nothing, absorbed in his reflections. It was probable that he had agreed to my thoughts, but I could not get into his. He had shielded them. Even so, despite his attempt at confidentiality, I was able to assume that he was considering what the negative repercussions might be in case Aumnox had a disoriented reaction to my presence again.
“Eset,” he finally said, “you have to go. It’s essential that they have all received the rebalancing before offering to be part of the program in phase two.”
I accepted the order in spite of not understanding why Alixarc insisted in keeping me with that group or, specifically, with that human. However, I had to trust the instructions of my superior. He must have his reasons.
But there was something else. His obstinacy added to my desire to understand why, from the incident with the Earthling, I felt strange, something I identified as tense and at the same time suspicious.
“Do you want to say something?” he asked, seeing that I was wasn’t moving.
“Not everyone will attend the scheduled meeting,” I explained, showing my distrust of the preparation, and the involvement that Aumnox could have with the mission.
“Yes, we’re counting on that. But I don’t think she’ll be one of the ones who miss the meeting,” he said, pretty convinced. Certainly, he had information the rest of us didn’t have. “In any event, with independence to decide whether to go to the meeting or not, it’s important that they’re all in the same condition to choose if they’ll continue with the program or not. They should decide, not us.”
“They aren’t volunteers,” I said reproachfully.
I’d never been convinced of the presumed freedom or consciousness of the contactees with our first approaches. If indeed they decided voluntarily, it was very possible that there was something I didn’t know about the “approach in phase one” program, in which we initiated interactions but through their subconscious minds, keeping our distance and with supreme subtlety, so that they were accustomed to our presence without generating a shock.
“Yes, they are,” he said with absolute serenity, “but most of them still don’t do it consciously,” my captain explained. This was the argument that I’d been hearing since I started with the mission years ago, and although it seemed like a contradiction, I was hearing it defended by Alixarc. He must definitely be hoarding information unknown to me.
Until then, the knowledge he handled was based on the fact that some contactees did not leave phase one and worked their entire lives semi-consciously, helping the program in the most basic way. Others left it when we changed to an approach in phase two (clearer messages, the first conscious evidence though distant from our presence), since their resilience was not enough to adapt without causing harm to their lives. Finally, there were certain Earthlings like Oxital, who acquired full commitment to the mission and, with full consent, became part of the program in phase three, where all their actions were already implemented consciously. In this last step, they worked at our side. They were the ones who served as a true gateway to humanity and allowed us to anchor the help we wanted to give them, reach more terrestrials, warm them of coming events in order to reverse them, and begin to dispel the fear that had been generated around us.
I couldn’t avoid feeling a certain admiration. For me, they were an example of what I had heard so many times that courage meant. It had to be a very arduous path, since not all of them managed to follow it successfully, without negatively impacting on their daily activities and their human lives.
“I know you don’t have confidence in Aumnox’s abilities,” continued my captain, “but like with the rest of them, we’ve invested a lot of time, just to put her aside now. We hope that sooner or later she will enter the active mode in phase two, and then, if everything goes according to plan, she will become part of the active mode in phase three.
“We must believe in them and in their aptitudes. In all of them,” Alixarc emphasized, fixing his eyes on mine. The intensity of his look and the forcefulness with which he said these last words made me feel that he wanted to transmit to me the trust he treasured towards all humans, and that, for the moment, I didn’t have for Aumnox.
I remained motionless without saying anything.
“As you already know,” he continued, “Oxital’s work is very important at the moment. We hope to be able to count on new champions soon who help carry out all the work that remains to be done, the most important.”
We were both quiet for a few moments. Alixarc observed me.
“Eset,” he said, getting my attention, “we are just here for support. The results don’t depend on us,” he reminded me. “You must adapt to that and not let it affect you. It seems that spending so much time on this planet is causing your emotions to wake up,” he let drop.
I wasn’t expecting those words and although I kept my physical and facial expression in total calm, I felt a slight start at chest level inside.
“Calm down,” he said, “We knew the high probability that a ‘humanization’ could occur in many of us. After studying it carefully, we understood that it was something positive for our particular process. It’s a good prognosis that some of you have already begun to awaken those forgotten memories.”
While he communicated with me, I stared at him unperturbed, as if he were not addressing me. I couldn’t figure out his motives for telling me all that. In my work, I acted the same as always, just as I was instructed when I entered the program. And I didn’t get carried away by the emotions that the humans constantly did. Although...on second thought, I had neglected my role of rebalancing Aumnox just because I didn’t want another mishap to occur.
“But no. It wouldn’t happen again,” I thought. “It didn’t have to have happened. I shouldn’t have put the permanence of the human in the mission before the mission itself. If she is not up to the task, she will have to be dispensed with.”
I felt how the idea upset me and, in turn, confirmed my suspicion that feeling emotions, in a way was a sign of weakness.
Despite Alixarc’s assurances, I didn’t know to what extent reactivating our sentimental memories could be positive for our evolution. We saw it every day. Their bodies wear out in an accelerated manner precisely for that reason, for the toxicity they generate within their organisms by not knowing how to handle them, and above all, by not knowing how to transmute them. They were not even aware of the problem. They were simply sick and suffering without consolation.
I knew that my captain was listening to everything going around in my head, but I didn’t flinch. I stayed there, looking at him, waiting for him to give me permission to leave.
“You must trust in the humans’ adaptation,” he said in a general way, although he knew that that affirmation referred to Aumnox in particular. “I’ll tell you something before you go,” he said calmly.
“At the beginning of his process, Oxital also took awhile to adapt. Years later, before you knew him, Oxital was very emotional.”
“I didn’t know that,” I said, somewhat surprised. Seeing the results of the Earthling, I wouldn’t have imagined that his beginnings had been ‘difficult.’
“It took him awhile to identify with his cosmic name, he didn’t believe some of the experiences he had with us, sometimes he thought he was suffering hallucinations...but even so, he started adapting little by little.”
“What does that have to do with this girl?”
“Aumnox has the ability to receive information easily and at the same time, associates with it. For example, you well know that when she heard her cosmic name, she had the feeling that the vibration was related to her.
“In summary, what I want to say is that we must remember and understand that each individual has their process of adaptation, of understanding and of action. When you joined the mission, we’d been working with the terrestrial for several Earth years, during which time he had time to adapt.
I listened attentively, although at the same time, I was trying to once again analyze the Earthlings—understand why it was so hard for them to receive telepathic messages or get involved in things without getting carried away by emotions.
It had been so long since my species had taken that step, so much so that we left those reactions behind, that it was tough for me to empathize and remember what those feelings were or how they affected them. In that moment, I only knew about the consequences of those feelings, but in a theoretical way.
Although Alixarc saw in me an alleged emotional reaction and was happy, I felt an immense gap between the impulses that I might have and the ones I knew that they possessed.
It was normal for me to feel almost no emotion. My species based their behavior on a millennium of ethics based on doing what was right for others. However, although correct, we acted mechanically. We had become independent and insensitive. The humans that dealt with us like Oxital, saw us as cold and distant. They noticed too much that the physical contact between us was almost nil. It only happened if it was strictly necessary. Only now, in recent years, did we go back to ‘enjoying’ it, but it was still a bit forced.
We were hoping that this rapprochement with the human race would help us to awaken some sleeping strands with which, with great probability, we could advance in our evolution.
Being immersed and engaged with the Earth mission allowed me to observe how the steps taken by our own race could have led us to became what we were. We knew that thousands of years ago, we were very similar.
Now, we enjoyed studying carefully the attitudes, emotions, thoughts, their behavior, and the beliefs of these young brothers. The mission was something more than helping them. Although we hadn’t been able to appreciate its full magnitude, it was a kind of gift for us. Sometimes we mixed in their society as if we were anthropologists. We wanted to learn and remember.
For my part, despite seeing the events and the unfolding of humanity, sometimes cruel or uncontrolled, I respected its process.
I observed them with the limited amount of affection that my evolution allowed me, although I wished that their steps were different this time.
This was one of the reasons I joined in this mission, although not the only one.
“You must return,” Alixarc said finally, pulling me out of my concentration. “It’s necessary to test Aumnox before being able to continue with contact. It’s probable that if we skip this step, we’ll lose her, and at this stage, we can’t run that risk.”
“Okay, I’ll go back to the readjustment room to project myself.”
“Inform me when you return.”
“Okay.”
“Light,” said the captain.
“Light.”
I turned around and headed down the corridor to my destination. I passed by several crew members and per our usual habit, greeted each other with a gentle nod of the head. I tried to keep my mind focused on the task I had to perform. It was not the first time, and nevertheless, it seemed that some kind of uncertainty or bewilderment was settlin
g in my chest. After talking with Alixarc, it was very clear now that he would not allow me to delegate my role to another comrade. Apparently there was no reason to.
I got to the readjustment room, and Gireln was there.
“A readjustment?” She asked when we were a few feet apart.
“Yes.”
“You didn’t do it already?” she asked, somewhat surprised upon discovering with whom I needed to proceed.
“No, it wasn’t possible,” I affirmed. “Besides, I had doubts about whether we’d continue with her for future connections.”
“Yes. Of course we’re going to continue with her, and with the rest,” she answered calmly, if a little sharply. “They will only leave the program if something serious happens and they pose a risk to the program.”
“Or if they leave it voluntarily,” I intervened, remembered what I’d just finished talking with the captain about.
“Exactly.”
My companion turned and headed towards the door.
“You’re going?”
“Yes, I think it’s better to leave you alone and you don’t need me here. I’ll make sure no one else comes in.”
While Gireln crossed the threshold and walked down the corridor, I situated myself on the dematerialization platform to enter into energetic contact with Aumnox.
Chapter 17
The Road Home
Despite Enrique’s generous invitation to share our experiences with him, no one wanted to. Actually, I didn’t know what my father of Ian might have felt but, with regard to what I had experienced, I began to doubt whether it was just my imagination. After all, over the years I had become a writer, in large part because of the great ingenuity that had accompanied me since I was a child. What I’d experienced in that grand room could be the result of a delirium or a fantasy. Something similar to what happened when I submerged myself in a novel or story. When I wrote, I got so carried away by the story I was telling that it started feeling real, even to the point that some characters seemed to come alive and have their own personality. After pages and pages, it was hard for me to remember that everything was a simple invention of my mind.